How To Tell When She Is Cheating – The scent of another person’s cologne. Shady textual practices. Repeat late night at the office. You might think you can spot the tell-tale signs that your partner is cheating — but experts say it’s not as easy as you think.
This is especially difficult in heterosexual relationships. While research has repeatedly shown that men are more likely to cheat than women, the gap has narrowed in recent years. A study on infidelity has shown that men are having fewer affairs than they used to, but now women are cheating more than they used to years ago.
Contents
- 1 How To Tell When She Is Cheating
- 2 Ways To Tell If Your Girlfriend Is Lying About Cheating On You
- 3 How To Tell If Your Girlfriend Or Wife Is Cheating On You? 12 Signs That She Is Having An Affair
How To Tell When She Is Cheating
Compounding this fact, a 2019 study found that women are better at identifying cheating men from a crowd than men are at identifying cheating women. Researchers have found that both men and women can easily tell when a man is cheating, but men have trouble spotting when a woman is being unfaithful.
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But regardless of your gender or sexuality, if you start to worry that your monogamous partner isn’t as faithful as you thought, that’s a pretty worrying place to be mentally. It may be time to step back and sharpen your awareness when it comes to what’s going on in your relationship.
Lucky for you, we spoke to two relationship experts to find out what signs to look out for. Here’s what they had to say:
Physical cheating is any act that involves physical contact with someone who is not your partner while you are in a monogamous relationship.
Some couples may define this as intercourse, but many agree that kissing or touching someone intimately also counts.
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Emotional cheating, on the other hand, involves building a strong, romantic or sexual relationship with someone else outside of the relationship. Typically, this means going to that person for emotional support rather than your spouse.
“When you start sharing your hopes and dreams, your fears and joys with someone else, you become invested in them and not in your primary relationship,” explains matchmaker Susan Trombetti. “When you share private details about your relationship and trash your partner, you have definitely broken the trust in your relationship. This kind of cheating is very difficult because you tell yourself it’s okay because it’s not physical.”
Emotional cheating is sometimes more difficult to detect because it gradually escalates over time. However, experts agree that it is just as harmful as physical cheating, if not more so.
Then there is subtle deception. The term originated in the last decade as social media and other technology became more prevalent in everyday life. As the name suggests, it refers to small – perhaps seemingly innocent – acts that exist in the gray area of infidelity.
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According to Trombetti, some examples of micro-cheating include maintaining a dating app profile (even if you don’t actually go on dates), sending flirty DMs or social media comments, or secretly texting an ex.
“Unfortunately, it’s very easy to micro-cheat these days,” says dating expert Steph Safran. “Many people have dating apps that don’t require a lot of information or a credit card to use — and they can keep them ‘looking’.”
If it gets confusing, some people believe that if they are not technically cheating on their partner physically or emotionally then there is nothing intrinsically wrong with their actions and behavior. Trombetti says that ultimately only you and your partner can decide together your definition of what micro-cheating is.
Although it is very easy to cheat these days, it is also very easy to get caught. Here are some behaviors you may want to be aware of when it comes to infidelity.
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At one point, you were the reason your partner became attached to their phone, excitedly DMing funny memes and texting back and forth. But if you notice your partner looking at their phone a lot lately, smiling at their screen while remaining discreet, it indicates that someone new in their life is demanding their attention.
“Emotional intimacy is something that can build on infidelity,” Safran explains. “A new relationship that isn’t explained and can’t be done with privacy can set off alarm bells.”
Sure, your partner might just send a family member or close friend, but if they’re too bothered about these exchanges taking up too much of their time, that could be a red flag.
It’s one thing if it’s always been a little difficult to get a hold of your partner during the workday, but if your usual lunchtime chats start going to voicemail, that’s definitely a change worth paying attention to.
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Safran says it’s especially worrisome if your partner refuses to have contact with you at certain times of the day or night for no apparent reason.
If you can’t catch them, Trombetti suggests bringing them. If they can’t explain why or keep using excuses to keep their charger at home or keep their phone on silent, it’s possible they’re trying to hide something from you.
If your partner suddenly starts working out, wearing more make-up and/or sexier clothing, you should take note, says Safran.
Of course, deciding to exercise or wear different clothes is no guarantee that your partner is cheating on you. However, if he suddenly puts a lot of effort into his appearance and it doesn’t seem to have anything to do with you spending time together or going on dates, you might wonder if he’s trying to look good for someone else.
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Remember when you were immediately interested in what your new love interest cared about? According to Trombetti, if he randomly starts showing interest in something new, that could be a red flag that someone new is in your partner’s life.
For example, if they’ve just started watching football, listening to a new genre of music, or signed up for cooking classes they couldn’t care less about before, you might ask yourself why. Sure, your partner may be exploring some different passions or there may be someone who influences their new tastes.
In particular, if your partner is in the honeymoon phase of catching up or hooking up with someone new, it will be hard to compete.
“It could be because they’re comparing you to the person who’s cheating,” explains Trombetti. “Obviously you get the short end of the stick because they have stars in their eyes for the other guy — they still look perfect.”
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Notice how your partner behaves when they’re on the phone next to you or when you walk into the room while they’re on their laptop. If your partner is quick to put these devices away, turn them off or hide the screen, Trombetti says that’s a big red flag that they’re hiding something from you. And unless your partner plans a surprise party for you, secrets in a relationship are usually not a good idea.
Not everyone shows the same emotional openness in a relationship, but if your partner regularly shares their thoughts and feelings with you, Trombetti says something’s up.
“When your [partner] is no longer emotionally available and you combine that with other signs, it can be a red flag for cheating,” she says.
Ultimately, the best way to determine if any of these signs could indicate cheating is to listen to your gut.
Ways To Tell If Your Girlfriend Is Lying About Cheating On You
“When you feel like something is off, but you can’t put your finger on it, you’re probably right,” adds Trombetti.
If you suspect your partner is cheating, the only way to know for sure is to confront them directly. That said, setting the right tone for a sensitive conversation is crucial.
After all, the last thing you want to do is throw potentially hurtful accusations at them when it turns out they’re completely innocent. Trombetti suggests finding a time and place where there are no distractions when you know you can both give your full attention to the problem.
“Think about how you would want to be treated or approached if the situation were reversed,” Safran says. “Find the right time to approach someone (not before a big job offer, family event, or other big situation); when you have time to discuss your feelings and hopefully listen to your partner.
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Once you take some time to address it, you may be able to calm down some of the behaviors you’ve noticed affecting you. The best way to keep the discussion civil is to ask questions instead of making statements and focus on how their actions make you feel. For example, you can say:
“I’ve noticed that you haven’t been sharing much with me lately and think it’s a disconnect from you. Is there a reason for that?”
“You seem so quick to hide your phone when I come into the room and that worries me a bit, what’s up with that?”
“That way you can take their explanation and judge whether or not it is
How To Tell If Your Girlfriend Or Wife Is Cheating On You? 12 Signs That She Is Having An Affair
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